some of this stuff may already be posted, but im not willing to check... so if it is, read it again. (and all this is in no real order)

DEEP IN MY SOUL (9-27-04)

So very deep in my soul

A dying fire burns so cold

So cold, this fire is though,

That, in hell, all would freeze ove’.

Inspirations without you so dull,

But deep in my soul, yes, I know

That without you, I must still go

This feeling will go ‘til I’m too old.

But no more love shall I know

Cuz that would just hurt me so

Deep in my soul, it feels so cold

Cuz I hurt when I think of you

The cut is deep, this I know,

Pain is harsh; feelings cold

Don’t argue becuz this I know:

This love is true deep in my soul

UNTITLED (3-22-05)

After the dusk of death has fallen on life,

Most will be able to love what we’ve done,

Big or small, few or many we all have strife,

It’s my firm belief that people want to become:

To become what we are and not what others want

It can be done; things can be done by us and for us

Or we can change for them and do what we can't

Never, then, shall we be allowed to be ourselves

BUSH HAS DECIDED (10-25-04)

Bombs are falling, save them God

What wrong have the people there done?

To deserve the death of everyone,

Why torment them all for the actions of some

Like Bush has decided: it must be done

People here just as there

And now we pay for the Pres.’s scare

Its our money, our sweat and tears

But Bush uses them for his affairs

What Bush has decided has ruined us here.

Our fate has been sealed

All the cards are now dealt

Bush has decided: “pain: we don’t feel”

Our emotions and taxes he steals,

But its all for pride, Bush has decided.

WISHING FOR MONDAY (11-17-04)

Why waste my time? Why wish for Monday?

Cuz no matter how hard I try, time goes its way.

Wishing doesn’t pay; everything comes in its own day.

Beauty, beauty; on such a beautiful day.

My girl, my love, I’ll go your way,

Maybe someday we’ll live fine lives,

But until then, baby, would you be mine?

We’ll be happy, what a better life we’ll find.

Don’t worry, together, we’ll beat any fiend.

Why waste my time? Why wish for Monday?

Cuz no matter how hard I try, time goes its way.

Wishing doesn’t pay; everything comes in its own day.

Maybe, baby, we’ll be happier than they.

It’s still possible no matter how bad it seems.

We’ll be together, no need for “eventually”

In our hearts, we’re together there.

No need to wish for Monday.

Cuz no matter what, were together baby.

Why waste my time? Why wish for Monday?

Cuz no matter how hard I try, time goes its way.

Wishing doesn’t pay; everything comes in its own day.

Can we change the ways

Or better know the coming days?

To get your love, anything I’d say

Yet of what I say, I’d never lie.

Now it’s Monday, and I’m walking away

Never again wishing it was Monday.

Why waste my time? Why wish for Monday?

Cuz no matter how hard I try, time goes its way.

Wishing doesn’t pay; everything comes in its own day.

Let down, I’m such a clown

I should’ve seen it, what she’d say

With all the problems, it would’ve never worked this way

This is what I get for wishing it was Monday

I hope it isn’t the end; I’ve come only a small way

Hopes of what I had wished for, now gone away.

____________________

Ill get some more on later prbly. until then, c ya

ok, so ive been lazy and havent put any of my new stuff on here... so here goes the best of whats left to be put on here:

Anti-war (no real title, but this will do) 10-20-04

The war on terrorism is now just brutism
There is no longer a need for our “saviorism”
Our soldiers’ deaths now in vain,
Families feeling the unnecessary pain
They shoot and die for Bush’s pride
Now we need to take a new stride
Let our troops live, happy at home
If we leave, the reward dwindles no more
Once again united, our country proud
Nothing now can bring us down
Our country can pull through
Coming home is all we must do
There is much to lose, nothing to gain
And staying there will lead to more pain

Doesnt Matter 2-23-05

Doesn’t matter what you do this time,

Doesn’t matter how your raps will rhyme,

Doesn’t matter how hard you rock now,

Cuz all one day comes tumbling down

You could be a rapper, a rocker, a punk or a prep

Our lives all will end, so get a better grip

You could have millions, hundreds, thousands or debt,

It all end with death, no matter how much you get

No matter where you go or how you flow,

So, while you live forget the dough,

Our wings will all look the same, for sure.

Just remember, keep your heart pure.

Times Have Changed 2-28-05

Doesn’t matter: what you do this time,

Doesn’t matter how your raps will rhyme,

Doesn’t matter how hard you rock now,

Cuz all one day comes tumbling down

You could be a rapper, a rocker, a punk or a prep

Our lives all will end, so get a better grip

You could have millions, hundreds, thousands or debt,

It all end with death, no matter how much you get

No matter where you go or how you flow,

So, while you live forget the dough,

Our wings will all look the same, for sure.

Just remember, keep your heart pure.

buy an autographed skateboard... its for a good cause:

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZpoopoojones QQhtZ-1" title="http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZpoopoojones QQhtZ-1" target="_blank"http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQs...

i not longer celebrate valentines day.... i now celebrate the feast of Vali!

To Vali! To Vengence! To Honor! To Kin!

btw, i got a hacky sack today also

i wanna have a poll about whether or not u think gay marriages should be allowed. ur answer to the poll should be answered by placing a comment with either "yes" or "no" and, if u feel like it, an explanation of ur feelings.

i must warn u, this will be the one post (as u may or may not have noticed, i have never deleted a comment) i will actually delete comments (if i feel that what u say is homophobic and degrading)

i so happy... i found my Eve 6 (selftitled) cd that i lost hella long ago!

... and if u dont have it, buy it. theyre a great band!

i found this on someones myspace bulletin and did it... it sucks

NAME SLOGAN:
Go here and type in your name:

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan" title="http://thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan" target="_blank"http://thesurrealist.co.uk/sl...

...and add your name
LMFAO! this is to funny and yet so true.....lol

Steven- "Make Fun of Steven" (im not kidding... thats what it says)

nothing really to post, other than i watched "American History X," which is one to the most philosophic movies in the past few years, again... i think ive seen it 3 times. i love the part when Sweeney visits Derek after he gets sodimized by the neo-nazis in jail (which is somewhat odd becuz such homosexual behavior was supposedly looked down upon harshly by Hitler). oh well, other than that i havent done much at all.

heres the survey thing (thanks to tona):

TEN Random Things about Me:

1. the only reason i would fight is defense, for my honor, the honor of my family, or for my friends
2. im not really that random
3. kevin is random... hes one of my best friends, so its about me, kinda
4. i hate people/ groups
5. thats why i would never be able to make it in a suicide help group if i ever needed to go
6.  i like pain
7.  i wish i were a dragon
8. then id have a reason to constantly play with fire
9. im easily bored... and this isnt helping like i was hoping it would
10. i hardly ever worry, but i think i would worry if i werent bored

NINE Places I have (or want to) Visit(ed):

1. norway (want)
2. germany (want)
3. hawaii (have)
4. world cup- soccer (want)
5. ireland (want)
6. flordia (want)
7. pismo beach (both... i have been there and wanna go back)
8. norway
9.  germany (multiple trips to both norway and germany)

EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. move out of this house
2. learn how to play the guitar better... a lot better
3. publish some of my art (writing or drawing)
4. learn norwegian
5. learn german
6. get married
7. have a kid
8. be able to live nicely, but i dont care about being too rich

SEVEN Ways to Win My Heart:

1. be open minded
2. enjoy a wide varity of music
3. philosophize
4. write... music, poetry, stories, just something to show creativity
5. enjoy fun stupidity (from my friends and myself), and join in
6. argue, but dont take it too seriously
7. being individual... not made (if u cant do something, dont call MTV)

SIX Things I Believe In:

1. God
2. human stupidity
3. second chances
4. karma and reincarnation
5. "music calms the savage beast (soul)"
6. whatever the hell i wanna

FIVE Things I Am Afraid Of:

1. papercuts ::shudder::
2. spiders (damn "Aracnapobia" or however u spell it... it wasnt a good idea to see that at such a young age)
3. humanity self-destructing
4. what stupid people do
5. groups of people

FOUR of My Favorite Items in My Bedroom:

1. cds/ cd player
2. my notebooks with writing and the writing on my computer
3. dragon sculptures
4. my drawings

THREE Things I Do Everyday:

1. listen to music
2. eat at least one meal
3. write something

TWO Things I Am Trying “Not” To Do Right Now:

1. beat my head into the wall (my parents went to bed already)
2. leave and go play soccer at mount eden or at the fields by the UC border

ONE Person I Want To See Right Now:

1. good question... too bad i cant tell you

so, today i actually did something, other than my usual choices to write the story, play games, watching tv, doing slave labor, or to be bored... i went to my friends house for a few hours. it wasnt much different as we watched the movie anchorman and played a few games, but it seemed like a lot more fun than when im doing that at home.

oh well, ive got some other things i gotta take care of before going to bed, so im out.

ok, so i finally got a bunch of work stuff done... and its on to more.

i finished moving my room around, got rid of a dresser and got a computer (old and slow, but i still have a computer in my room). ill have to take a picture of how i set it up cuz its pretty funny (i dont have a computer desk)././././. i called a few of my friends and were gunna try to hang out by the time school starts back up. still have a while for that././././. i got the storyboard and stuff from sarah, so im gunna start writing that. i havent looked at it too much, but what ive seen looks pretty good.

thats it for now... peze to the peoples

i havent really posted lately so heres a quick update of why i havent updated:

- havent been doing much, just been playing "call of duty: finest hour" (xmas gift) and "MGS: twin snakes" for gamecube. just got addicted to gunbound (monday). also, ive been trying to get in touch with old friends (nick, jaime, ellie, dania, and a couple more). ive gotten in touch with a few, but not that many.

-thought about it and realized that, even though shes cool, theres no real relationship with lisa. plus i dont think i should be in a relationship, im not that "mentally stable" now... especially if uve seen how i try to sleep.

- the second main reason why i havent posted is i dont wanna say something specific. i figure the less time i spend writing on this, the less chance i have to say it. all i will say is i cant ruin the person involved... too kind. its hard to hide it... its like the cement shell of a nuclear facility: whats inside is so useful for our lives, yet the affects it would have if people were exposed are so severe... now im just rambling... and i dont want to tell u too much.

ive been writing this for about 2 minutes... its quite interesting...

We are all human, no matter the race, sexual orientation, or religion. I am white and you may be black, yellow, or red. I am heterosexual while you might be homosexual or bisexual. I am Presbyterian and you may be Catholic, Muslim, or of another religion. But no matter how different we may look or act, we are still human. We still come from the same thing, be it God’s creation or from Darwin’s theory of evolution. We came from the same procession of conception, and we will all die and go to the same afterlife, no matter where our own religion says we go and others go. From catholic school, I learned that baptized Catholics go to heaven while sinners and those of other religions go to hell. But God is an all loving God of equality; I can't believe he would condemn his own creation to the “fiery pits of hell” for all eternity. I find it easier to believe in karma rather than the idea of a heaven and hell because God would want us to be properly rewarded or punished, and its impossible to punish someone for eternity because it is possible for someone to repent when they understand what hell is really like.

old memories, like when u were hella young and didnt have to care for much... the memories i hate the most. half of them remind me of the things that really scare me, and the other half remind me of how i used to be happier. i heard stories of the two worst things to hear about from when i was young: "the popper" and my stuffed animal collection (which ended up being my true alarm clock/s a few years back)

"the popper"
if uve seen commercials for the home blood test things, u know they draw from the finger tip. well, when i was young, i was anemic, not enough iron. the thing they used to get my blood i called the popper (or sometimes "the blood hammer"), the only thing that scared me in the doctors office (id prbly still be scared of it too). they couldve taken a needle and poked my finger, i wouldve been fine with that... but they decided to use something else. it was a little box thing and they would put ur finger, fingernail down, in it. then they cock this hammer thing that looks like the hammer of a gun, press a button, and u know its done when u hear this LOUD popping noise (imagine popping bubblewrap next to a very loud microphone). id much rather take a needle to the arm than use that thing. i nearly freaked out when my parents brought it up too... thats how bad it is.

my stuffed animals
my stuffed animals... all of them named P.J. reminds me of the simple time when anger was something trivial... now, anger is everything to me, i cant seem to get away from it. it was a time when it was impossible to lie to urself... now i find myself doing it (right now, ive just found one to solve). i cant even begin to explain how good i felt during the few moments i went back to those times... then i realized that wasnt true and i have to deal with whats going on at the present time. (btw, the alarm clock comment at the begining was becuz i used to sleep with the alarm clock right above my head so i kept hitting snoze... then my parents started throwing them at me)

... its not so much remembering this that makes me mad, its the fact that i remember how good it was, and then i come back to this. my rant is done... for now.

Three names you go by: Steven, Specter, Stephanie (inside joke from algebra 1)
Three physical things you like about yourself: eyes, leg, and um… that’s it
Three physical things you hate about yourself: pretty much everything but eyes and legs
Three parts of your heritage: Norwegian, German, Irish 
Three things that scare you: papercuts, spiders, the feeling of an insect crawling on u
Three of your everyday essentials: music, um… that’s it
Three things you are wearing right now: t-shirt, artic camo cargos and no socks or shoes as usual
Three of your favorite musical artists: bad religion, green day, me first and the gimme gimmes
Three of your favorite songs at present: bad religion- live again, skindred- nobody, bad religion- empire strikes first
Three things you want in a relationship: good communication, trust, true love
Two truths and a lie (not in order): im a virgin, id really die without music, I hate most people
Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to you: eyes, sense of humor, can challenge me with mind games
Three things you just can't do: go without music, give up games, stretch my fingers for guitar
Three of your favorite hobbies: games, skating, swimming (when I can)
Three things you want to do really badly right now: swim, learn to surf, get a PS2 in my room
Three careers you are considering: open a restaurant with my friends, politics, being a bum
Three places you want to go on vacation: northern Europe, a good beach, open country
Three kid's names: john (that would be great for a family get together), other than that, I don’t know
Three things you want to do before you die: live, love, and find true happiness

an AOL news report with a poll shows:

Is the cost of the war in Iraq worth the benefits?
No	74%
Yes	26%

im sorry, but for the 26%, i really dont see any good from the war. yeah, we got sadam out of the country, but thats not even worth a tenth of the soldiers weve lost, and especially not worth any of the civilian deaths. weve lost too many people to think weve done anything but destroy families.

some more letters from an american soldier:

No Chance (Volume 32) December 8, 2004

Greetings from Iraq!  I just wanted to say this month is going by quickly.  I am sick of being here and being told what I can and cannot do.  I get yelled at for riding my skateboard.  I get told that I need to be careful that I could put the mission in jeopardy.  I laugh.  Me falling down skateboarding isn't going to do anything to the mission.  Soldiers have been hurt doing PT, and climbing down guard towers, you name it.  I use my skateboard to help me get rid of my anger and aggression.  We aren't allowed to shoot back when they shoot at us, and that makes me angry.  Again I am not in charge, I don't have say in what happens day to day here, and I just do what I am told.  I have dreams and goals like many soldiers.  My short term goal is not to get shot.  My long term goal is to go home and be with my family.  Many people dream of what it must be like to be a soldier.  They see war movies and think of themselves as doing all that heroic gun fighting, and battles.  Trust me its not any of that.  Gun fights only last 10-15 minutes, the enemy stresses  survival on most of there attacks, so they run and hide after the initial attack.  So that's why we have no chance at winning this war.  I can't wait for all this to be over and done with, thanks for your time and for your prayers.  An American Soldier. 

Live And In Full Effect (Volume 33) December 13, 2004

Greetings from Iraq!  Well, let me start out first by saying the war on terror is still going on here, live and in full effect.  This past week we had some soldiers ask questions about armor for vehicles to Mr. Rumsfeld.  He made it seem like we made a choice to go into combat without the tools necessary for us to win.  Would you ask a firefighter to take just a bucket of water to a high rise apartment fire?  Would you send out a police officer to defend the streets without the tools he would need to fight crime?  So why would you send soldiers to a country were IED's (Improvised Explosive Devices) are killing Soldiers and Marines every day.  Our own government is not giving us the tools we need.  When we got here we made our own version of armored doors.  It was terrible.  We used wood and sand bags to "harden" our vehicles on the convoy up to our area of operations.  The door on my vehicle was a camouflaged shower curtain.  It was meant to keep the wind and rain off the driver and other occupants.  If an IED had gone off on our vehicle we would have been dead for sure.  Is that a fighting chance?  I don't think so.  So instead of giving yourselves pay raises, why don't you start spending the money on the lives of those who are sticking there neck out in harms way?  It has taken too long for our higher command to see that we don't have the tools necessary to win and fight the insurgents on this battlefield.  It concerns me that more people haven't raised questions about these issues.  Thanks for your time, an American Soldier.

Just Another Day (Volume 34) December 19, 2004

Greetings from Iraq.  Well, we are starting to see fresh faces arrive on our bases daily here in Iraq.  It feels good knowing that we are about to finish our mission and go home.  Some of us aren't exactly sure when that will be, but we are promised we aren't going to be here past March 2005.  As long as I get to go home to see my wife and daughter then I will do what I have too.  The army is a big machine, lots of moving parts so sometimes it's easy to get lost in a crowd.  I will never be able to look back and be happy about being here.  We came here in vehicles that were meant to be located in a rear area, not forward.  Our leaders were told they would have to accept the risks going with what we had.  Most of the soldiers who are coming in now are flown to their locations and the equipment they brought is being shipped up here on trailers.  It's a better idea because for every humvee you put on the road depending on make of the vehicle you can have 2-3 people putting themselves at risk when they just don't need to do that.  I am glad the Army leadership has decided to make better plans now then just saying here is your bullets, armor plates for you vests, MRE's (meals ready to eat) and some water.  We didn't have any idea what to expect and I would say that most of the soldiers I came here with were scared to death when we crossed into Iraq.  It's still a war zone, this will never change.  Even when they decide to pull troops out of Iraq, it's still going to be the biggest stage for terrorists.  Christmas is right around the corner, it's just another day for most of us here.  Christmas to me is being around my family and having a nice dinner.  So that's why its not so special this year.  Maybe next year I will get the chance to be home.  Since I am in the army, that might not happen.  Thanks for your thoughts, and prayers.  An American Soldier. 

btw... on a more personal note: i got my business ethics essay back (the one i almost didnt write and ended up doing everything in about an hr and a half to two hrs), and i got a 98 out of 100. now im glad i did that.

ok, i finished both of my essays without too much BS (prbly a page and a half combined... which isnt bad considering thats not even 1/5 of what i had to write). i feel pretty good about both of them so... screw it, leave it at that.

the alumni breakfast

this is the first time ive been back to moreau other than the homecoming game (at least i think it is), and the first time since ive got my hair cut. most of the teachers were there and they seemed to be the same as when i left.

and of course the funniest thing involved mr shelley, the wonderful assistant principal. its pretty much tradition that every yr, the last day b4 winter break, the choir class walks through the halls singing christmas carols. well, when the first class was singing, he yells (and loudly as usual) "STOP SINGING! U GUYS ARE HORRIBLE! THATS THE WORST SINGING IVE EVER HEARD!" i wouldnt be suprised if the people next door heard him.

kevin and i hung out the whole day and we went to visit with a lot of the teachers, but didnt get to see mr prisk, he took an early vacation. most of my teachers didnt recognize me without hair halfway down my face so it took a while to get used to the weird looks i got most of the time. talked to my old business teacher and he wanted me to go back and talk to one of his business classes, so i might go back to do that. then as we were walking back to the main building, we pasted a computer class and when i looked through the window i thought i saw one of our friends who we didnt think came. when we figured out it wasnt him we started to leave when the teacher opened the door and invited us in to a great party (with food, sodas, lots of computers, and a gamecube). this teacher shouldve been there 4 yrs ago... not only did his class have a great party, he was trying to get the school to have a lacrosse program (which i havent said much about here, but ive wanted to play for hella long).

enways, after than, school got out and it ended up that it was the sarahs, kevin and me hanging out by sarahs car, when this girls car alarm starts going off, and she cant figure out how to shut it off. after about 5-10 mins, the alarm stops and i begin to clap... and it goes off again. it went off three times, and about 10 people started to dance and/or headbang to the horn (yes, i was one of the headbangers). but yeah, thats about it (shouldve written it earlier when i remember things better).

college is finally getting to me. i havent really been on here for a while because im getting swamped with everything (not just college stuff). i had one essay due today and and another one due tomorrow, both of which i hadnt done a thing before sunday night and im almost done with the second one. on a much better note, im now done with two of my classes (music and english), as of about 1:15 today. but thats about all i have for now... lifes been pretty boring as usual. plus i need to finish my second essay.

my dad was channel surfing a few moments ago and i heard him say something about the idiots on tv. when i went to get something to drink i asked him what it was about and he changed the channel to ESPN (a sports channel for all the stupid people) and showed me what was on.

now something like darts i can understand, becuz u need concentration, steady muscles, and accuracy; all of which are needed in sports... but a tourney of "rock, paper, scissors" just doesnt cut it as a sport.

i got bored and decided to write a fast paced love song... heres what i came up with:

Punk Paced Love Song (12-7-04)
this is a punk paced love song,
not to worry, its not that long

just let me say:
u mean more than the world
without u, im nothing more than zero
so help me girl, and let me be ur hero

cuz this is a punk paced love song
dont worry, its over and done.
_________________________ _

on a different note: tblog needs to stop screwing up so much... this post is taking forever to post becuz tblog keeps screwing up.